I’m avoiding a truth in my life

I’ve been drifting off track, off Quest, these past few days. I now know what that’s about: avoidance.

I’ve come to realize that taking risks is not something I’m used to doing – even though I’ve always convinced myself that I was comfortable with them.

Oh, sure, I have taken risks in my life – personal and professional.

The risk I’m talking about is the risk of taking a stand, of allowing the world to see the real me. And, to proudly proclaim my desires, hopes and dreams that come with that territory.

I can sense how uncomfortable I feel as I write these words. I was taught to blend in, to be quiet and be part of the background.

And, in my life I’ve mostly done that yet always felt something was missing. Even though I’ve been a “blender”, it has made me a sometimes frustrated and angry person.

I can’t even promise you tonight that I’ve got the strength or will to put myself 100% out there – I wish I did. I want to with all my heart. I was angry today, and this is why. I’m denying myself permission to break out, and be.

I thought I had that one beat. There’s more work to do …