Still in a holding pattern on the opportunity Quest

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No movement forward on the opportunity Quest.  I’m now in the middle of a formal process with one firm, and there’s not much I can do about it but wait.

I guess I would compare this to the traveling, the long nights and just boring times that the Fellowship of the Ring had to deal with in Lord of the Rings.  There’s lots of excitement, but then long periods of standard days and nights.  This is about Myth, right?  🙂

The end of the Quest is in sight, which will of course lead to the beginning of a new Quest.  That’s the gig, and I’m looking forward to it.

So, for now, I’ll adventure slowly, yet knowing that there’s more excitement coming!

I’m avoiding a truth in my life

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I’ve been drifting off track, off Quest, these past few days. I now know what that’s about: avoidance.

I’ve come to realize that taking risks is not something I’m used to doing – even though I’ve always convinced myself that I was comfortable with them.

Oh, sure, I have taken risks in my life – personal and professional.

The risk I’m talking about is the risk of taking a stand, of allowing the world to see the real me. And, to proudly proclaim my desires, hopes and dreams that come with that territory.

I can sense how uncomfortable I feel as I write these words. I was taught to blend in, to be quiet and be part of the background.

And, in my life I’ve mostly done that yet always felt something was missing. Even though I’ve been a “blender”, it has made me a sometimes frustrated and angry person.

I can’t even promise you tonight that I’ve got the strength or will to put myself 100% out there – I wish I did. I want to with all my heart. I was angry today, and this is why. I’m denying myself permission to break out, and be.

I thought I had that one beat. There’s more work to do …

The challenge of staying present on the Quest

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Today, while walking my dog in a beautiful wooded park, I found my thoughts drifting to doubt and fear. What a shame!

There I was in a quiet, wonderful place, with one of my pals – Scout, our 15-month Yellow Lab. But, I wasn’t there with her. I was off worrying about my future.

I have worked hard to stay present, and shape my thoughts into those that serve me. And, it’s work. Some of the hardest I’ve ever done.

I don’t wish for a quick fix here because that would not serve me either. This work is the work that matters most. It’s what helps us to become who we really are in this life. Heroes! On the Quest that matters, in answer to the Call.

I do feel I’m on the path to my best self – it’s just not a straight line.

Getting ready to get back on Quest

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Today was another off-Quest day. I worked around the house, and took care of things not related to my opportunity search.

So, what did I learn today that is relative to myth in my life?

I learned that I too easily forget the power I have – that we all have – to live an amazing life. To be my own Hero. I so quickly get bogged down in the small stuff of life, and lose sight of my vision – the very thing that drives Hope and Abundance.

Tomorrow, my goal is to stay as fixed as I can be in that vision. To make it a habit.

And, the Quest continues …

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Well, I got back on the horse, so to speak.  Today, I was the master of my thoughts and desires, and I feel that I’ve come back.

What I learned today is that we can’t let one day throw us off our Quest for a full life.  Stuff will happen, but it does not have to define us – short- or long-term.

There’s much to be done, and I’m looking forward to getting to it this coming week.  Tally-Ho!

Today was a tough day. Not much of a Hero

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This will be a short post. I was not a strong Hero today.

I allowed myself to get stuck in the past – my fears, doubts and mistakes.

I did my best to get beyond, but it was a struggle today, and my shadow self won.

Tomorrow is another day; I have not given up. Just lost this battle in a much bigger Quest.

Today, I helped another person on a mini-Quest

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We have a family friend in hospital and his sister is friends with our daughter.

There’s some anxiety around our hospitalized friend, and as such, our daughter has been keen to show support. She felt the best way to deliver that support was to spend some time with his sister.

It’s not a big deal, but I was able to lend a hand by acting as chauffeur for the two of them.

On a day when my own quest is once again in a holding pattern, I found joy in helping my daughter with her mini-Quest.

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m doing it again. We can be Heroes in small ways, by helping others on their journey. My daughter may not remember what I did today, but I’ll always remember the big hug they gave each other upon meeting. Mission accomplished.

A day away from the deep activity of the Quest

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Today was a relatively quiet day on the Quest.

I had some low-key follow-up and a few small tasks, but that’s it.

I’m in a holding pattern right now, as I’m waiting for people to get back to me with next steps.

My usual stance is to be focused on key activity related to each opportunity. But, a current lack of formal next steps has removed that necessity for now.

I know that high activity is coming again, and I’m OK to coast for a day, or two.

As the decision grows near, the anxiety ramps up

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I noticed that my anxiety levels are rising.  In the next week or so, I may be making a decision for an opportunity.  And, it will represent the culmination of my first major Quest since deciding to answer the Call:  To be all I can be.

I must say that I’m dismayed to be feeling this high level of anxiety.  I’m talking about the “wake up at 2 am and not be able to sleep for a couple hours” level of anxiety.  The kind of anxiety that drains the important creative energy I thrive on, and which gives me strength, hope and drive.

I feel a bit of a coward on this grand quest.  I’ve spent so much time being positive, facing my fears and moving forward these past couple of months.  But, this week has been difficult for me.  Hopefully, it’s just a phase of growth, and that’s what I’m telling myself rightly or wrongly.

I know what I must do:  trust that I’m “on track” and that this too, shall pass.

That’s my goal for tomorrow.  Get a decent night’s sleep, and then be brave, take positive action, and know that these fears are part of my process.

It’s important to know what you want from life

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Today, I learned – not learned really – but was able to affirm something we’re all told about life: You’ve got to know what you expect from it.

Too often in my past, I made decisions without referencing them against my deepest desires. That can make for an unfulfilled existence, and also have us quest in the wrong direction.

Today, I was presented with an opportunity and had to admit at the end of the meeting that we’re probably a poor fit. My goals for the role, it seemed to me, were somewhat at odds with their goals.

I was able to quickly ascertain this, as I have a map, and when I layered this opportunity on it, I saw that we’re heading in different directions. Damn!

My expectations going into the meeting were that we were aligned. I can’t say that any longer.

As much as there’s disappointment, there’s also gratitude. In order for a door to open, another may need to close.