As the decision grows near, the anxiety ramps up

I noticed that my anxiety levels are rising.  In the next week or so, I may be making a decision for an opportunity.  And, it will represent the culmination of my first major Quest since deciding to answer the Call:  To be all I can be.

I must say that I’m dismayed to be feeling this high level of anxiety.  I’m talking about the “wake up at 2 am and not be able to sleep for a couple hours” level of anxiety.  The kind of anxiety that drains the important creative energy I thrive on, and which gives me strength, hope and drive.

I feel a bit of a coward on this grand quest.  I’ve spent so much time being positive, facing my fears and moving forward these past couple of months.  But, this week has been difficult for me.  Hopefully, it’s just a phase of growth, and that’s what I’m telling myself rightly or wrongly.

I know what I must do:  trust that I’m “on track” and that this too, shall pass.

That’s my goal for tomorrow.  Get a decent night’s sleep, and then be brave, take positive action, and know that these fears are part of my process.

It’s important to know what you want from life

Today, I learned – not learned really – but was able to affirm something we’re all told about life: You’ve got to know what you expect from it.

Too often in my past, I made decisions without referencing them against my deepest desires. That can make for an unfulfilled existence, and also have us quest in the wrong direction.

Today, I was presented with an opportunity and had to admit at the end of the meeting that we’re probably a poor fit. My goals for the role, it seemed to me, were somewhat at odds with their goals.

I was able to quickly ascertain this, as I have a map, and when I layered this opportunity on it, I saw that we’re heading in different directions. Damn!

My expectations going into the meeting were that we were aligned. I can’t say that any longer.

As much as there’s disappointment, there’s also gratitude. In order for a door to open, another may need to close.

The day after and still moving along

Today was a rest day on the Quest. I came home late on Thursday night, and had an early start today.

I decided to use my time processing my day yesterday. Getting a feel for my various meetings, the questions I was asked, and my thoughts about the opportunity.

What I learned today is that every Quest also requires a down day once and a while. A slow day.

It’s a day to rest and reflect on perspective, and my place in it all.

With truth comes wisdom … but not always as fast as we might have hoped, nor wanted at the time

Today was a difficult day for me, but perhaps not as you would expect, based on what I’ve been writing about lately:  my Quest for a great, new opportunity, and the answer to the Call.

No, today’s truth comes from home, and it has nothing to do with my Quest, nor with the Call.  You see, I’ve been selfish again, and today it was brought to my attention that I’ve been selfish for many years.  And, not for a good reason.

To be sure, being selfish has its place in our lives – when we’re on a deep, meaningful Quest, and one that’s attached to our Call.  Then, we need to protect our time, and our life for the opportunity to be all we can be.

I’ve been selfish at home, and it has been because I’ve been focused on the wrong goal.  I was so focused on chasing my professional life, that I allowed my time at home – i.e. my life – to dwindle away in wasted effort.  Not all wasted, but enough to make a difference at home.

A hard lesson to learn, and one that did not come easily, in spite of the wise messenger who delivered it to me.  But, it was learned, and now I need to make the changes that come with today’s enlightenment.

One of the opportunities I’m chasing provides the support, knowledge, tools and courage to change thereby allowing entrepreneurs to reclaim their lives and their freedom from their businesses.  Their businesses serve them, and not the other way around.

This is the kind of learning they get from the program delivered by this company.  This is the kind of learning I got from home today.  Wisdom can come from many directions, places and people.

Once again, not a large, bold change in my life, nor my direction.  But, a personal and deep learning that I can do a better job at home, while I continue to embark on my noble Quest, and answer the Call.

Another small step forward

Today, I moved forward a bit more on my opportunity search.  I did an informational interview with a client of the firm with whom I’m meeting next week.

Although this may sound mundane, it is important for me. I’m moving in the right direction, and gaining momentum. That counts, and it matters. That’s where the hope comes from for me.

Small steps on an epic quest are also the stuff of life.

Personal observations gained from writing about, and living, Myth Hope and Life

I have been writing about Myth, Hope and Life for more than 45 consecutive days.  The experience has been humbling to say the least.  I’ve noticed changes in my thinking, my behaviour and I’ve seen life patterns start to emerge.  By no means do I believe that I’ve arrived as an enlightened, fully engaged hero of my own life.  However, signals or nuances are playing out in my life, and I’d like to share them with you now.

There are some things I’ve learned about myself, and others that I’m starting to perceive; the nuances I mentioned above.  Over the past few days, I’ve pulled together a list of changes.  I’ve summarized them here in the hopes that they will continue to help me focus on becoming all I can be, and to also, hopefully, offer some useful info to other heroes seeking to find their way in the world.

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A mini-quest and a chance to re-connect

I know I was going to write about what I’ve learned thus far from writing about Myth, Hope and Life.  However, I want to first write about a spontaneous chance to go on a mini-quest and to re-connect with my daughter.

My wife was out tonight, and that left my daughter and I as free agents.  Once our daughter returned home from a hang-out with friends, the adventure began.  Well, an adventure for us, even if it does not look like a grand adventure here!

At 10 pm, we set out in search of ice cream, and eventually found a shop that was open and could help.  Along the way, we played a mobile app called Akinator, which asks you to select a person – famous or not – and it asks a series of questions in an attempt to guess their name or connection to you, if personal.

Then, we went home and watched episodes of Modern Family till mid-night, and had a ball.

As you can imagine, when you have a teenager, they have very little time for their parents.  At that age, it’s all about friends, school, and for us, drama!

But, tonight, we hung out, and laughed, and talked.  The best night ever!  A return to an old Friday-night ritual that we had lost for a couple years.

Sometimes the quest before us seems like just another day.  However, those mini-quests can make all the difference, for the moments they deliver.  I’m a grateful man tonight.